Catalyst
by Bassomatic
Summary: Roy has trouble coping with the death of his best friend. Some Spoilers. Songfic to Catalyst by Anna Nalick


**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. If I did, there would be cookies for everyone!**

**A/N: Guess who's back. Back again. With an old fic, actually - I wrote this over the summer sometime and for some reason never posted it here. Anyway, it's a songfic, to Catalyst, by Anna Nalick. Now, I normally don't do songfics, because the won't make sense to people who haven't heard the song, etc, but I _luuuurved_ this song and thought it sort of applied. And there might be a Sarah McLaughlan one in the making. and maybe even more of Under the stars? le gasp!

* * *

**

_LA lights_

_Never shine quite as bright as the movies_

_Still wanna go?_

_Cause something here_

_In the way that we're constantly moving_

_Reminds me of home_

* * *

Riza checked her watch; it was just barely past midnight. She sighed and went back to silently staring into the glass she held. Oddly enough, it was still full. She took a sip. Strong alcohol; better not drink too much. Funny, she hadn't bothered enough to wonder what it was she was holding a little while earlier. She doubted even Roy had, and he'd been the one who had ordered the drinks. Riza looked over at him. He was staring into his glass, which was also full. She should have known. 

There was no way he would get drunk tonight. He would never try to numb the pain, or drink himself into unconsciousness in hopes that he would wake up the next morning with no memory of the precious night. He had done so before; but not this time. No, tonight he wanted to remember. The night after his best friend's funeral.

The others, with the exception of Fuery, who had set his glass on the table without touching it) had had no trouble getting impressively drunk. Havoc, Breda, Fallman, and Fuery were talking loudly, reminiscing, telling anecdotes of Hughes at his best. His most annoying, maybe, but definitely his best as well. Roy hadn't said a singe word after he'd ordered the drinks. Just sat there.

* * *

_So you're taking these pills for to fill up your soul_

_And you're drinking them down with cheap alcohol_

_And I'd be inclined to be yours for the taking_

_And part of this terrible mess that you're making_

_But me…I'm the catalyst

* * *

_

Riza set her glass loudly on the table and stood up. The men stopped talking and looked at her. She gave them a weak smile.

"I think I'm gong to go home now; it's late." They nodded, some with more actual comprehension than others. She looked at Fuery, "Make sure they get home all right." She said. He nodded, and gave a significant glance in Roy's direction.

"Make sure to get the Colonel home safe too." He said. Riza nodded, and walked around the table to gently pry the glass out of Roy's hands and set it on the table.

"Sir? I'm leaving. Would you like me to drive you home?" He nodded, and stood up; mask back in place. The almighty flame alchemist.

"Yes, thank you First Lieutenant." He said, and nodded to the men. "Goodnight, men. I'll see you in the office tomorrow." Fuery saluted him, while the others made token attempts. Roy led the way out of the bar, straight-backed and businesslike as though nothing was wrong. As though his best friend wasn't six feet underground with a bullet through his heart.

He climbed into the passenger seat as she walked around the car to sit behind the wheel. It was an unspoken rule that she always did the driving. Even so, she wouldn't have trusted him to drive in the state he was in. He stared straight ahead, without really seeing anything. Riza buckled up, and started the car, and began driving down the road.

She was driving on a main road, not on the way to either of their houses. She missed several turns that would take them in a definite direction on purpose, buying time. Every now and then, she would hazard a glance at him; no change. He just sat there motionless. He wouldn't have noticed if she drove in circles all night.

"Where are we going, First Lieutenant?" Or perhaps she was wrong.

Riza thought a moment. She considered just taking him home, but one more glance made that option into no option at all. She couldn't just drop him off at his apartment and drive herself home, leaving him alone with his grief and guilt. She would never be able to live with herself.

"Where do you want to go?" She asked.

"Just take me home." He sounded unfathomably tired.

"Sir, with all due respect, I'm not leaving you alone." He smiled faintly.

"I was hoping you would say that." He said wryly, "Let's go to your place then." She nodded, understanding. His house held too many memories.

* * *

_When you say love_

_Is a simple chemical reaction_

_Can't say I agree_

_Cause my chemicals_

_Left me a beautiful disaster_

_Still love's all I see

* * *

_

Riza turned the key in the door to her house, and it swung open silently. She wasn't surprised when Hayate didn't greet them; she had stopped by the house to feed him before going to the bar. He was probably asleep. Roy walked in after her, and she shut the door. It occurred to her that he had never been in her house before.

He sat on the couch, and put his head in his hands. Riza hung her purse on the coat rack and walked into the kitchen to make some tea. She emerged a while later with two mugs, and handed one to Roy. Ha accepted it, and set it on the table next to him. Riza sat on the other end of the couch, tucking her feet up next to her. She said nothing, knowing that he would say something if he wanted to talk.

"This was all my fault." He said.

"It wasn't."

"Was."

"How?" Roy ran his hand through his short, dark hair, not having an answer for this; at least, not one that she would accept.

"I don't know- I should have protected him, somehow… I should have known that he would be targeted. Dammit, why didn't I see it coming?"

"No one did." She said.

"I should have! He knew too much, and they eliminated him. Where was I, though? I'll tell you where; goofing around in Central, not paying attention to what he was doing."

"You couldn't have known." She said. He seized the tea next to him and gulped half of it down.

"I should have!" he said, "Somehow…there had to have been _something_…" His voice sounded raw with suppressed emotion. Like he was fighting back tears. Riza set her own mug down on the coffee table.

"There was nothing anyone could do, Roy." She said, surprising herself even by using his first name. For a moment, she thought he wouldn't notice, until he looked up at her in amazement.

"You just called me Roy."

"I'm sorry, sir."

"No; don't. We don't need rank tonight." He laughed hollowly, "We need anything but rank, Riza." It sounded odd to hear him saying her name. Something about how he said it made chills run down her spine. She picked up the mug of tea and took a sip.

"Thank you." He said suddenly. She looked at him in surprise. "For letting me come home with you." She stared at her hands.

"I couldn't just take you home." She said, "The look on your face back at the bar – no. There was no way I would have been able to live with myself if I'd left you."

* * *

_So I'm taking these pills for to fill up my soul_

_And I'm drinking them down with cheap alcohol_

_And you'd be inclined to be mine for the taking_

_And part of this terrible mess that I'm making_

_But you…you're the catalyst

* * *

_

"I don't deserve you." He said. Riza blinked; that was certainly an odd thing for him to say under the circumstances. "Frankly I think it's nothing short of a miracle that of all the Lieutenants in the military, I got you." Riza, not knowing how to take this, said nothing. "I-I don't know what I'd do without you." He continued.

"Thank you." Riza said simply.

"I think I'll be all right." He said, "As long as they don't get you too." Riza was silent, thinking. She didn't know what she'd do if Roy was killed in a battle against the homunculi. She had a feeling she didn't want to know. And she knew that if something like that were to happen, it would be then that she knew what he really meant to her.

"They won't." she said, really more to reassure him than anything else. There was no way of knowing what would happen; who would be next. She looked at him and noticed that his eyes were sliding closed. "You're falling asleep." She noted.

"Yeah…" he said, "I'm drained." Mentally, emotionally. Riza believed him. She stood, and offered him a hand to help him up. She led the way to her room, him following, half awake.

* * *

_You'll be the vein, you'll be the pain, you'll be the scar_

_You'll be the road rolling below the wheels of a car_

_And all of your thoughts on God…_

_Don't know if I'm strong enough…no_

_You'll be the vein, you'll be the pain, you'll be the catalyst

* * *

_

"You can have the bed." She told him, and he made no complaint, pausing only to remove his shoes and coat before climbing into the large bed. Riza flicked the light off, before turning to go into the front room. She had offered him her bed because she doubted she would be sleeping much. She didn't feel very tired, anyway.

"Riza?" She turned back to the dark room.

"Yes?"

"Stay with me?" So much for not sleeping. She shed her own shoes and jacket before sliding into bed next to him. Neither of them said anything after that, but his hand found hers in the dark and held it tight. A silent promise that he would make certain he didn't lose her too.

* * *

_These LA lights_

_They don't shine quite as bright as back in Frisco_

_Do you wanna though…_

_Still wanna go?_


End file.
